KILTER MAG ARTICLE – FEB 2010
1. What are some risks commonly associated with D/s ?
-Physically or mentally abusive Dom/mes. For example: You are in a scene and the scene is too much to handle. He/She is whipping you and not respecting your limits. You have no choice, but to call out your code-word. The person does not stop inflicting pain. Then that is a key sign that something is wrong with the person. You will know in an instant if the person is physically abusive.
-Emotionally unstable or manipulative subs or dom/mes seeking more from the relationship than the other, as a human being, can give. The extra factor is that D/s relationships are already predicated upon a delicate shift of power, and so rely more than usual on participants being able to handle that well. I have an example. A Man from the East Coast wanted to become my live-in slave, and I barely knew this person. Personally, I have never let a slave live with Me. My home is separate than the Dungeon life. I could not give him what he had ‘desired’. I have suggested to him that he should find a Domme in his area.
-"Top's disease," or the tendency for some Dom/mes to grow into a sense of infallibility or omniscience. I call this, “Dominitis”, or “Domme-Disease”. They take the lifestyle too seriously. They want EVERYONE to bow down & worship them.
-Self-hating slaves. At the base of the self-hate patterns are a feeling of deep unworthiness. So the pattern must find ways to both hide the real feelings, and also play them out in reality in some way. If reality doesn't fit what self-hate believes is true, the pattern will cause the slaves to do something that will sabotage themselves. Whether it's self-sabotage or getting others to participate in our downfall, the self-hate patterns can be quite creative in finding ways to make reality fit the "I am bad" picture.
-Unstable dom/mes or subs who can cause financial or personal hardship. This can be through the act or threat of calling public attention to the other's private life and their relationship.
2. What are some myths about D/s?
It aggravates me when some people have these myths about the D/s lifestyle. Here they are:
-Dominants are cruel and cold hearted people. This is not true. Sure, Dominants inflict pain. But Dominants do so, because the slave(s) crave the feel of a whip, or the feel of a kick to the balls. We practice the concept of safe, sane & consensual play amongst our scenes.
- submissives are attempting to re-live childhood abuse. There are Men or Women who have been abused as children, but I do not think that is the reason why they enjoy receiving pain to this day. There is no evidence that people into D/s or BDSM have any greater history of childhood abuse than the general populace, but as people who were abused as children are more likely to seek professional help, these are the ones that professionals see and write about.
-submissives are naturally "doormats.” Again, this is not a true statement. Some of the slaves I’ve ever encountered are not doormats. They are powerful human beings, and they happen to have a kink for becoming painsluts/submissive towards a Dominatrix.
3. Is BDSM a Mental Illness?
I’ve done research on this specific question, because I’ve personally encountered an individual asking me if I had a mental illness because I practice BDSM. And the person had asked “Were you abused as a child, which is why you are currently a Dominatrix?” It was absolutely rude & disrespectful for the person to outright say that in his email to me. The answers are no & no. Most people who are interested in BDSM do not have a mental disorder. Research has also found that those who practice BDSM do not have a higher incidence of psychological issues when compared to other populations. It does not mean that you have a mental illness to be involved in BDSM activities. This is a common misconception of BDSM. It is healthy to engage in some BDSM activities, and it is much more common than most people think. It’s a great work out, when I’m handling floggers. My muscles are working, and sometimes I’m sweating when I swing the whip. Another work-out would have to be wrestling with a helpless slave. Hmm. Maybe I should start a ‘BDSM-Aerobics” class. Hah. Ok. Back on the serious note. It is considered to be a dark fetish, because of the stereotypes and stigmas associated with it historically. It can be a very fulfilling and healthy activity if practiced consensually.
4. What are some bizarre fetishes, in your opinion?
If one would want to engage in these specific fetishes with a Professional Dominatrix(who would offer the fetishes) or with your partner (who would be open minded to experience the fetishes), then do some research.
Emetophilia (The act of throwing up, especially on a sexual partner, is the biggest of turn-ons for emetophiles. Also called a Roman shower, after the induced vomiting that was supposed to be a staple of those debauched Roman feasts).
Eproctophilia (Fart fetish).
Urophilia (These fetishists love to pee in public, pee on somebody, or get peed on. Also known as “watersports” and “golden showers”).
Klismaphilia (for those who enjoy getting and administering enemas).
Necrophilia (Having a sexual attraction to corpses).
Coprophilia (This one’s better known as scat. Not the rapid-fire singing style, but the act of, well, deriving sexual gratification from feces).
5. Written to me from an anonymous user on a popular social website: “I have been invited to a BDSM party. I don’t know if I should go. What do they do at the parties? Would I be safe? Would it be a traumatic experience for myself?”
If someone would like to meet others in this lifestyle, I usually encourage the person to attend local BDSM events or munches. It gives them a good opportunity to speak with a person, face to face. If you are comfortable with bringing a friend or your partner, feel free and do so. If the event or group has a website, read the website. If there are rules, follow the rules. Some rules are, “Respect the dungeon space, and others at the party”, or “Bring your own toys, if you choose to play”. Some websites will even include a dress code. There are many things which can take place at a BDSM event. People will rather socialize, than play. Or other individuals will play amongst themselves. You don’t need to stand in the corner by yourself and observe all of the action. Open up, relax, and get to know the people. It will not be a traumatic experience. The environment is usually clean & safe. At one of our dungeon parties recently (bondagenightchicago.com), we had an incident where the person entered the dungeon for 5 minutes. We quickly made his decision and left. He admitted that the party was not for him. People are not forced to stay at the party. The dungeon might have been very intimidating for him. There can be other reasons why he chose to leave.
More on Kilter: http://www.kiltermagazine.org/
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