Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Current Thoughts of the day - absolutely miserable

My BF seen one of My DVD's yesterday, laying by My PC. He decided to put it on (while I wasn't home). The DVD title is 'Fist that Slut'. Yes, he knows I've fisted in the past & what not. So after he watches the DVD, he contacts Me. Of course, I could sense in the tone of his voice that something is wrong. "What's Wrong", I say. "Nothing @ all", he states. Then I get home & I'm being called "Disgusting" for doing what I've done in the film?

I don't need that shit. I'm not disgusting. Fisting isn't disgusting (in My book). So we get into a big argument match, about how 'disgusting I am'. Enough about fisting, let Me ask this..

Do you call this Jealousy....

When your man/woman is extremely upset because you 'touch' other people?
When your man/woman has video-shoots with others, and is bothered by it?

I think he's jealous, and states that 'I'm not safe'.

I am good @ what I do. I've worked hard to be where I'm @ today. I am happy with My line of work (and get paid very well). I will not change for anybody. Then he states, "Why don't we just break-up, since you are happy with what I do & I'm not?" Then he tells Me that he isn't forcing Me to quit... and gives Me the guilt trip (a quote like, "Oh, I won't marry a Dominatrix!").

he makes it sound as if I will be doing this forever (which I'm not). Of course I want to be with this man.... this man who makes Me happy. This man who listens to Me. This man who has a good heart. But why should I be with him, if he doesn't like what I do?

I've heard so many other cases where My FemDomme friends had to break-up with their boyfriends, because they didn't approve with what they do. Good for them. But I don't want to break up with this tough-cookie. We are right for each other.

Myself = Absolutely Confused. Emotionally Stressed. Headache Galore.

My ears are open to your thoughts !

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